Hit and miss: Martha makes good, then goes bad, Part II

This post is the part where she goes bad.

If you haven't read the little disclaimer at the beginning of the previous post, then I suggest you do. Just in case any Martha zealots out there decide that they need to defend her honour down to the last perfectly clove-dotted glazed ham and immaculately pressed apron. I know that a lot of you who have been defending Martha think I'm an absolute retard that is incapable of following a recipe, but I'm willing to overlook that.

If my problem is a matter of comprehension, then I admit, I am an idiot. But when parts of the recipe are missing, or there are omitted ingredients and inaccurate instructions, then I would like to know who the idiot really is? Her recipes can be at times lacking and at other times convoluted to the point of ridiculous. For someone who wants to make it easy for everyone to be able to cook and bake, she does a horrible job of it. And it seems that I'm not the only one who feels unanimously about the hit and miss factor in Martha's recipes.

This recipe is a little different in its degree of suckiness in that, it hasn't failed to include any vital instructions or ingredients, everything in the recipe was there, except for the flavour. It appears that Smitten Kitchen's Deb, also had the same problem with the recipe and many of the commenters on the Martha website feel the same way. I decided to make my own go of it, just to make sure their sentiments were in fact true, and lo and behold- the pretzels are as bland as cardboard.

And when I say they are like cardboard, this is no attempt at euphemism, they are literally as flavourless as paper. There isn't a hint of chocolate in these pretzels, and be careful not to over-bake them even the slightest amount, as they will turn into volcanic rocks- flavourless volcanic rocks. A bitter disappointment when the recipe is introduced as the "sweet versions of the salty snack".

Oh Martha, Oh Martha. How do you get away with this? How do you continue to publish such rubbish without even checking them first? But the good news is that, were not all doomed to never have the sweet taste of chocolate pretzels on our lips, someone did do their homework and came up with a chocolate pretzel recipe that works. Rivka of Not Derby Pie has redeemed us all with her version of choc pretzels that is proven to work and most importantly taste like chocolate.

Check out the better version here.

The version I have posted below is the original Martha version, just because this is the one I used to make the pretzels pictured above. But I actually would not suggest making them unless you are willing to make some changes. Better yet, just click over to Rivka's recipe and have all the work done for you!

Chocolate Pretzels
Recipe from Martha.com
Makes 24 small pretzels

¼ cup unsweetened Dutch-process cocoa powder
1 tsp good-quality instant espresso powder
3 tbsps boiling water
110g (½-cup) unsalted butter, softened
¼ cup granulated sugar
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
½ tsp coarse salt
1 large egg
2 cups plain all-purpose flour
1 large egg yolk
coarse sugar (like demarara or pearl) for sprinkling

Stir cocoa and espresso powders into the boiling water in a small bowl until dissolved; set aside.
Meanwhile, put butter and granulated sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment; mix on medium speed until creamy.
Mix in vanilla and salt.
Reduce speed to medium-low.
Mix in egg, then cocoa mixture.
Gradually add flour, and mix until a smooth dough forms.
Turn out onto a piece of plastic; pat into a square.
Wrap dough, and refrigerate until cold, about 30 minutes.

Divide dough into 24 equal pieces.
Roll into balls. Shape balls into 12-inch-long ropes.
Twist each rope into a pretzel shape. Space 1 inch apart on baking sheets lined with parchment paper.
Preheat oven to 160ºC.
Whisk egg yolk with 1 tsp water in a small bowl.
Brush cookies with egg wash; sprinkle with sanding sugar.
Bake cookies, rotating sheets halfway through, until dry, about 15-20 minutes, depending on the size of you pretzels.
Let cool on sheets on wire racks.

NOTE: Cookies can be stored in airtight containers at room temperature up to 1 week.

Mr. Baguette: Banh Mi, Baby, Banh Mi

Ooh, let's start with dessert! The foodie porn flix of us eating a very weird yet quite delicious Vietnamese dessert at Mr. Baguette in Rosemead.

Two still life views of our "weird" dessert which consisted of sweet grean bean noodles, white beans, red beans, and ice drowned in coconut milk.

Mr. Baguette is a banh mi and bakery chain in So Cal. Mr. Baguette's banh mi seem like a steal if you happen to live in the Silver Lake or Eagle Rock area and are used to paying $9 for something that is called a banh mi but is really a poor excuse for a sandwich served on stale French bread. How much would a banh mi cost on the Westside? Anyhoo, Mr. Baguette's banh mi range in price from $2.85 to $4.35 which is actually pretty high end considering that most places in the OC charge about $1.50.

These high prices are not scaring the masses away. Hiking Gourmet T and I revved up the old M3 and bombed out to the San Gabriel Valley on an early Sunday morning only to be greeted by mobs of people ordering banh mis, pastries, and iced coffees galore. One would have thought that we were at Philippe's after an SC game! But the place opens at 6 am so I guess that banh mis early in the morn are de rigueur.

Two views of the grilled chicken sandwich (I splurged for a sesame baguette which is 20 cents extra) which included the odd ingredient of sliced American cheese. I thought that it worked but Hiking Gourmet T was not as enamored with it as I.

My other sandwich (I only order a lot for my art, Dear Reader), the grilled beef banh mi. This was "eh." The first time that I had had it was at a picnic at the Hollywood Bowl and it was fabulous but on this day it was kind of boring.

My Doppelganger's smoked bacon banh mi. This looked really French to me.

I bought a "Special" banh mi for mumsy. The "Special" is the house sandwich so to speak. It has pate (accent aigu), ham, pork meatloaf, and headcheese. Since mumsy has old world tastes I knew this was the sandwich for her.

Two views of my pate chaud (that's "pat show" to you) stuffed with beef curry. In Italy this would be called a "Nun's Breast." For some reason the Italians like to call anything that slightly resembles a boob a "Nun's Breast." Apparently, the Vietnamese have the same sense of humor since they've added a nipple to the top of this pastry.

Despite the shape, this pate chaud was quite yummy and one could see the skill that went into making the pastry: many layers that were tender yet flakey at the same time.

Mr. Baguette
8702 E. Valley Boulevard
Rosemead, California 91770
www.mrbaguettesandwiches.com

Hit and miss: Martha makes good, then goes bad, Part I

First of all, I would like to preface the next two posts with a reminder that everything said on this blog are my own personal views and judgements. We all have them, they are called opinions, everyone's entitled to one. And in the free world that we live in I don't think anyone should get nasty comments or emails when you do not agree with the personal statements made by another person. I'm all up for healthy, civil discussions, but if you want to get all spiteful and bitchy then may I suggest you call Ricki Lake or Maury.

Now that's been said let's get back to our normal programming...

There it goes again, that precarious thing that teeters to and fro on a delicately balanced see-saw of emotions- that is my relationship with Martha's recipes. That see-saw teeters more so on the side of loathe rather than love but my disdain for Martha is not at all unfounded. For lack of a more gracious way of saying this, frankly some of her recipes suck.

Thankfully not all of them suck and thankfully for you, you won't have to be reading a tirade of Martha gibes today. No, I'm saving that for the next post, hoorah for free speech! Anyway, let's not get sidetracked. Here is another Martha recipe that has worked for me. Brilliantly in fact, it almost seemed unnatural to call it a Martha recipe. I must have a knack for picking all the dud recipes on her website and now am too paranoid to spend any money on of her cookbooks.

I would like to think that the recipes in her published books would be more fool-proof and complete, in comparison to the ones featured on her website. It seems that the uptake of recipes on the website is prodigious, although is a little light on the copy-editing and corrections. Most recipes are lacking important instructions and missing ingredients.

But, I did pledge an optimistic post on Martha today and here it is, her recipe for Molasses Sandwich cookies. They were a hit with everyone at a picnic we had earlier. The only thing I would fault is that the cookies are way too sweet. I mean wa-aaaay too sweet. The cookies are pretty sweet on their own but when sandwiched with a molasses filling in between, the sugar levels and diabetes inducing properties soar way beyond appropriate.

There's enough sweet in these babies to cause permanent tooth decay. So I would suggest reducing the sugar in the cookies by half and reducing the amount of actual filling by half also. That is what I did second time around and even then, the cookies aren't lacking in sugar. I think the presence of the molasses actually brings out the sweetness of the sugar even more, so I would err on the side of caution and ease up with the saccharine.

But with the right amount of sweetness, these sandwich cookies are the perfect thing to take with you to a picnic or a party. Your fellow pickinickers or party goers will thank you for bringing the party along with you. As these things have enough sugar to liven up any deadbeat gathering and will have guests potentially hanging off the chandeliers or perhaps doing a nudie run through the park. Now who wouldn't bake these just to see that?

So there you have it, another successful Martha recipe, this is the part in the title where Martha makes good. I've had a bigger share of misses than hits with her, although not documented on this blog, but this does take the hit tally up one.

Although coming up next: why there's more hate for Martha again than there is love. This is the part where she goes bad.

Molasses Sandwich Cookies
adapted from Martha.commakes 30 cookies

NOTE: this is the modified version using half the sugar from the original recipe. If you want to try the original, then just double to sugar for the cookies and double the ingredients for the filling.

1½ cups plain all-purpose flour
½ tsp baking soda
1 tsp ground cinnamon
½ tsp salt
½ cup packed light-brown muscovado sugar
110g (½-cup) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 large egg
¼ cup unsulfured molasses

FOR THE CREAMY MOLASSES FILLING
75g softened unsalted butter
1½ tbsp unsulfured molasses
1 cup icing (confectioner’s) sugar

Preheat oven to 180ºC.
In a small bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt; set aside.
In a large bowl, with an electric mixer, beat sugar and butter until combined.
Beat in egg, then molasses, until smooth.
On low speed, gradually add flour mixture until a dough forms.
Drop rounded measuring teaspoonfuls of dough onto two ungreased (or parchment-lined) baking sheets, about 4cm (1½-inch) apart.
Bake until centres are dry to the touch, 12 to 15 minutes; rotate pans from top to bottom and front to back halfway through.
Cool 1 minute on baking sheets; then transfer to a rack to cool completely.



MAKING CREAMY MOLASSES FILLING
Whisk butter with molasses until smooth.
Gradually whisk in icing sugar, until smooth and spreadable.
Makes about 1 cup.

Spread a rounded measuring teaspoonful of Creamy Molasses Filling on the flat side of a cookie; place another cookie on top, and gently press.
Repeat until all cookies are filled.
NOTE: Cookies can be stored in an airtight container at room temperature up to 1 day, or refrigerate up to 3 days (cookies may soften during refrigeration).

Dumpling 10053

I present to you, Dear Reader, the best damn dumplings in Los Angeles County (if not the entire State of California). The pork, crab, and sea cucumber dumplings at Dumpling 10053:


Does the title refer to how many dumplings you can eat? Or, are the dumplings good to the 10053th degree? Neither, it’s simply the address of this fabulous restaurant (this is not such a bad thing because it makes for finding the restaurant so much easier.) Located on the very western edge of El Monte, Dumpling 10053 is perhaps one of the best dumpling houses in the region.

Although Luscious Dumpling is my personal favorite of the two, Dumpling 10053 has many things about that give it an edge over Luscious Dumpling. Besides being able to seat far more people, Dumpling 10053 has a much bigger, and more varied, menu.

Now, let’s move onto the foodie porn.

Yummy, and nice looking, sesame seaweed salad:


A glistening shrimp and tender leek dumpling:


Fantastic stewed beef and beef tendon soup noodles:


I liked the broth and the noodles better at Dumpling 10053 but the beef was more flavorful at Luscious Dumpling. (Needless to say, this is a great soup to eat when you have a cold. Not pictured are the pickled mustard greens that you sprinkle over the soup.)

This was insanely good! Baby bok choy with meat sauce:


Another great soup for colds, in two parts:




This was a great, and simple, chicken noodle soup. I was really surprised by how well the fried pork chop went with the soup. This is a must order!

My new favorite dessert. Fried “rolls” with condensed milk:


I was amazed by how good this was. Its simplicity was truly brilliant. The condensed milk balanced the yeasty bread really well.

I am obsessed with people tossing noodles:



Dumpling 10053
10053 Valley Blvd.
El Monte, CA 91731

Hae Jang Chon

Our table is loaded with food but we’ve only just begun…


Hae Jang Chon is my current favorite all-you-can-eat (“AYCE”) Korean bbq. It’s not my favorite Korean bbq place, that spot is reserved for Park’s and/or Sa Rit Gol, but for an AYCE place Hae Jang Chon is pretty good. For $16.99 per person you not only get all of the pork belly, sliced brisket, and marinated kalbi that you want but that price also includes, but is not limited to, the following:

Cold fermented radish soup (this is so refreshing when you are cooking and eating bbq):


Kimchee pancake:


Spicy soybean soup with tofu (complete with the de rigueur chipped vessel):


Kimchee fried rice:



Take a peek at our brisket and the marinated kalbi:






I liked both of these meats. Once most of the fat is rendered off the brisket you don’t feel so guilty eating it. I usually don’t like marinated meats since the marinade is often too sweet and you can end up with candied meat. But at Hae Jang Chang the marinade on the kalbi has a nice balance of sweet and savory.

Considering that this place specializes in pork (I assuming this because of the cartoon of the very happy pig on the sign) I was surprised that the pork belly lacked flavor. It looked good though:


To eat with your meat you receive both pickled daikon radish slices and rice noodle sheets. You also get a really nice salad that has a wasabi dressing on it that complements the meat very well.


Four yummy dipping sauces to choose from: fermented bean paste, sesame oil seasoned with salt and pepper, red chile sauce, and a very nice vinegar based marinated garlic and jalapeno sauce. Note the stone grill. A friend of mine, who is originally from Korea, told me that this is a particular type of grill used in a certain region in Korea. It has been placed on an angle and it has a hole in it at the low end. Every now and then the server comes over and pours marinated radish on the grill to clean it and scrapes all of the liquid waste out through the hole. Another reason why my preference is for charcoal bbq.

Hae Jang Chon
3821 W. 6th Street
Los Angeles, CA 90020
http://www.haejangchon.com/

El Atacor: Potato Taco Madness!

Pop Art Potato Tacos:


Two words: potato tacos. Who doesn’t like, every now and then, to indulge in this carboholics’ and fatlovers’ (yes, they are little fat bombs) dream? There is something about potato tacos that makes people crave them, they just taste so damn good.

I was able to lure several foodies to El Atacor #11 recently on a very cold and soon to be rainy Sat afternoon with the promise of the best, and perhaps the cheapest, potato tacos in town. Said foodies took the bait but surprisingly I was the only person who ordered potato tacos.

An uber-fussy potato taco fanatic eats one of my potato tacos:



Indeed. These potato tacos are fantastic. I just love the fabulous contrast of the crispy taco shell with the creamy, soft potato filling. The tacos are piping hot but are served with cooling avocado sauce, lettuce, and cheese – another great textural combination. Want to know the best part? You can get four potato tacos for $3.29.

Two words: porno burrito. In J. Gold’s review of El Atacor #11 he affectionately refers to the Super Burrito as the Porno Burrito and claims that if one does a Google search of “porno burrito” ten thousand hits for El Atacor will pop up. Surely this is hyperbole, when I followed Mr. Gold’s instructions I just got hits for porn sites.

See the four stages of the burrito’s undress:



Is the porno burrito so named due to its size and shape or because it is true foodie porn? Unfortunately, the former - this burrito is “Super” in size only. I ordered a carne asada porno burrito with rice, beans, cheese, guacamole, onion, cilantro, and salsa (sans lettuce and sour cream). The carne asada tasted more stewed than grilled and there were just mere vestiges of the guac, cheese, ect. The beans dominated, and although they were good, in this case less would have been more since more was no bueno. I would try the porn burrito again but I think that it might be better with carnitas.

Word association:

Chiles rellenos (and Mexican Coke)


Shrimp ceviche


Frickin’ great salsa

El Atacor #11

2622 N. Figeroa Street

Los Angeles, CA 90065

Lucky Devils: Devilishly Delicious!

A preview of coming attractions:


Out of the two, I have always preferred 25 Degrees over Lucky Devils. It’s not so much for the food but for purely emotional reasons: the first time that I went to 25 Degrees I was very sad because my beautiful Mr. Darcy had passed away that day from a heart attack at a very young age. The waiter knew that I was upset, he didn’t know exactly why, and he gave me a free milkshake. I have always remembered his act of kindness.

But nearly two years have past and I can now emotionally jump into the Hollywood Blvd. Burger Battle. I recently revisited Lucky Devils (which is owned by the extremely gorgeous Lucky Vanous from the Diet Coke commercials) with some serious foodies to see which burger place is indeed the best.

My chocolate cake shake:


I was originally going to order the roasted pecan shake (it has reached the notoriety of the date shake) but since I had a migraine that afternoon I thought it prudent to stay away from nuts. My shake was just ok; the whipped cream was certainly delicious but there was too much on it and I pretty much got filled up before I could seriously sip the shake.

We discuss burgers, weight, and chili cheese fries:



A close-up of my perfectly cooked Kobe Blue Bacon burger:


The foodies really liked the burgers but the only complaint was with the bun which most felt wasn’t hardy enough in texture and taste.

Who doesn’t love devilicious chili cheese fries? These are made with Kobe beef chili:


The foodies did not like the plain fries at Lucky Devils. I remember that the last time that I ordered them I didn’t particularly like them either. But with some good chili, cheese, and onions smothered on them how can you go wrong? It’s a definite improvement but it’s going to cost you $$.

So which is place is better? In my opinion the fries (with a zillion dipping sauces) and the shakes (oh, how I dream of the Valrhona Chocolate shake) are better at 25 Degrees but the burgers (and isn’t all about the burgers?) are better at Lucky Devils. You don’t get as much variety in toppings at Lucky Devils as you would at 25 Degrees but what you do get is plentiful, high quality, and very tasty. Also, I’ve always gotten my burgers perfectly cooked at Lucky D’s but the last couple of times that I went to 25 D’s my burgers have been overcooked and dry.

Lucky Devils

6618 Hollywood Blvd.

Hollywood, CA 90028

http://www.luckydevils-la.com/